but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
