I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
