I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
