You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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