Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
