I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
