i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
