singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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