Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
