i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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