I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
