I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
