i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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