Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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