I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
