R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize