Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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