I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
