The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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