Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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