R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
