No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize