I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
