My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
