Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
