she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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