I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
