I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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