I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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