He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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