It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
