so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize