the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
