I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we're so committed to being not committed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
