her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
