There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
