fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
