Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think i just lost a toe
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize