I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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