is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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