OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
