Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
