ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize