The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
