I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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