I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
