new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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