she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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