the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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