Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
