end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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