After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
