official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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