Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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