Heybabeimwearingurpanties
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
