Define "chronic" masturbator.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
