I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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