Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
