I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
