my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
