i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
