So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
