So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
