every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
