First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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