There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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