It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
