Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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