We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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