i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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